Ok people, welcome to my next blog post. Sorry I haven’t made a post in a couple days we’ve been pretty busy around the ranch. The weather has been nice so I have been taking advantage and getting a lot of work done. Usually this time of year the cold weather decreases my productivity by delaying my morning start time while I let the sun warm things up. I hate the cold. I can work in the heat all day long but the cold shuts me down. I would rather it be 115 than 40.
Nowadays I like to hibernate for the winter and come back out in the spring but I have booked up some winter rodeo’s this year so I guess I am going to have to make it work. I never liked rodeoing in the winter but that’s when I was riding bareback horses and the cold hurt my hand, I guess picking up won’t be as bad. Not only does the cold hurt my joints but I don’t drive that well on ice. I remember one time, I don’t even really recall where we were going, somewhere up north maybe Indianapolis or something. At the time I had a big blue GMC conversion van with top on it.
I was cruising while everyone else in the van was sleeping. Rolling north at about 80 mph drinking coffee and chewing sunflower seeds while the full moon reflected off the snow, I hated the snow but from the heated comfort of the van I thought it was beautiful. I was content, happy to be on the road doing what I love, thinking about how despite what everyone thought I was a good driver and I had this whole driving-on-ice thing whupped. About this time we were cruising over an overpass when the tires decided to turn loose of the grip they had on the road and we went to spinning. When you are moving forward at 75-80 mph and start spinning it is a weird feeling. The momentum is taking you forward but you are turning around at the same time. It was kinda crazy. When the spinning stopped we were pointing the same direction as before. So I just mashed the pedal down and kept going, no one even woke up. Yes it was scary but kinda fun at the same time.
Just so I can link this post to a previous one, I am going to mention a little side fact in the time line, then I will come back to spinning on ice. This trip was a year or so after the traumatic episode I had in the Wal-Mart in Cheyenne. All the rest of that summer, fall, and winter I was too traumatized to try to use the public bathroom. I knew I needed to face my fears and deal with my phobia. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about see http://cowboystuffblog.blogspot.com/2011/12/how-embarassing.html ) I firmly believe that strength lies in numbers and I had a good Christian Traveling partner who I felt like I could confide my fears in. When you’re driving all night with the same person night after night year after year, you talk about all kinds of crazy stuff. He knew, from having to ride around looking for woods with me and me confiding in him, about my problem.
It was about -400 degrees the next day and I couldn’t find a place to use the bathroom outside for fear of frostbite on my nether region. I decide to pull over to a roadside rest stop. After a deep breath I left the warmth of the van for the cold, uninviting, depressing, public rest stop bathroom. At this point I couldn’t really change my mind if you know what I mean.
As I entered the bathroom, I was trying to pump myself up, telling myself things like “This isn’t so bad…This is really pretty nice…That trucker is not starring at me” etc. I picked out the cleanest stall. And wiped the seat off with toilet paper, opting out of the paper seat covers this time. I figured that any bacteria was frozen solid and didn’t pose a threat. About 30 seconds after I sat down I heard the door open, I was overcome by fear. Unlike last time this time I din’t bolt out the door, I just froze. I was going to wait the intruder out. Things got worse. My worst fears were coming alive, the stall door next to the one I was in opened! “OH NO” I though, is this guy really going to occupy the stall next to mine when I clearly coughed and rustled my feet so as to let him know I was in there? Yes he was, or so I thought. As my blood pressure shot up and I tried to figure out what to do I noticed the feet weren’t turning around to sit on the toilet, they were actually disappearing one buy one? What the heck? Did this guy just climb up on the toilet in the stall next to mine…YES HE DID!!!!! I don’t remember too much after that except this cold, wet feeling. What was the cold wet feeling you ask? It was a bucket of snow that my traveling partner dumped over the stall on to my head during one of the most tense moments of my life. I don’t remember how I got there but the next thing I remember was running out the building trying to pull my pants up but I couldn’t because they caught most of the snow like and upside down umbrella. Without getting too graphic I will tell you the best way to know how it felt would be to set your naked rear end on a 5 gallon snow cone.
Payback was heck…I’ll tell you about it next time.
Dude I laughed until I started crying when I read this. This was the funniest thing I have ever done in my life. you forgot to tell about the two girls in the van that cheered me on to go do it. They where rolling in the floor when you got back in the van.
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